"The World was my Oyster, but I used the wrong fork" (Oscar Wilde)
About a month ago, I was reading an article in the Age on manners, http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/rudeness-will-be-the-death-of-society-20090807-ecv7.html. However it was actually my more recent encounters (in a very wide range of situations) that have made me think about common courtesy, manners and etiquette. One may find the opening quote amusing, however there has been many a business deal or job interview won or lost over the dinner table.
Manners have survived history and culture to influence the ways human beings interact. In fact proper conduct and manners , in everything from conversation to eating have long been the distinguishing mark of social status.
One may even recall the old adage "Manners makyth man." (William of Wykeham (1324 - 1404) [1]. Far be it several hundred years ago - as recent as nearly 200 years ago (1813), Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice explored the many humorous eccentricities in a world of etiquette and proper conduct. And today, in the way we relate to one another: what is acceptable and unacceptable social (and business) behaviour is important.
A person's self awareness, and an awareness of their behaviour and actions and how they affect others is pretty important. Yet many get it wrong - so what has changed and what is different now? Social commentator Hugh Mackay says one major culprit is the proliferation of new technologies such as instant messaging and social networking. He argues that this produces an increasingly fragmented society of subcultures, each with their own sets of rules and customs.
On the other hand, it can be argued that vast differences in generational expectations and changes in the status of women has caused some significant confusion about how to behave publicly. Others argue our fast paced capitalism and focus on the economy has created a society of rampant consumers, who will go to any lengths in the pursuit of self gratification and financial success. Some may have their own views and opinions. However playing the blame game is not only unhelpful - it rarely leads to positive change. However the question must be posed - should we be more mindful of our manners? Do they really maketh the modern man/woman? And - what makes manners good manners?
- Good manners are not something performed by the elite on special occasions.
- Good manners are not a choice on a drop down menu, pulled out to negotiate a good impression.
- Good manners are everyday behaviours. Thoughtful, considerate behaviours performed by everyday people, in everyday places, every day of a lifetime.
- Good manners, like a good education, will not transform you into someone you are not. They will be perceived by others as a natural extension of you.
Think of sport (and not the recent Williams/Clijster's match or any of our infamous sportsmen's recent behaviour) - good manners are a 'home advantage'. It is fortunate that thoroughly bad manners belong to a sad few. Poor manners on the other hand, belong to a large proportion of the population. For many, the 'home advantage' simply does not exist. In fact, they fall short of even general standards. Many have simply not had the opportunity to learn at home or had the privilege of a mentor to guide them. And many are often too embarrassed to ask or simply do not know where to look for advice.
One must decide for one's self, and I will leave you with one more piece of advice from Benjamin Disraeli "Good manners open doors that a good education will not"
[1] Manners Makyth Man is the motto of New College, created by its founder William of Wykeham. The motto is unusual in that it was written in English rather than Latin. It is said that the motto makes a social statement. While it might initially seem to be suggesting that it is beneficial to have good manners, what it really means is that it is not by birth, money, or property that an individual is defined, but by how he (or she) behaves towards other people.
Comments
There are no comments for this post
